Falling Off the Map – Reaching Out Before They Drift
Virtual Table Manners - Post #7
We were a year into the campaign when I started to drift.
It was a clever setting. Our real-world selves pulled through a portal into a fantasy realm. And it was full of juicy lore. But over time, that premise made it harder and harder for me to connect.
When I was younger, that would have likely worked for me. But at the current stage in my life, the idea of leaving it all behind to go adventuring wasn’t freeing. It was disconcerting.
Every session I showed up, it became harder to roleplay. Harder to stay in character. My gamer self wanted to play. But my real self couldn't bridge the gap.
And then a new fear crept in. That I was becoming a burden. That my detachment might weigh down the others. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t true. The groups I play with are kind and flexible. They would have understood.
But my own doubts got louder than their support. And eventually, they won.
Sometimes a player doesn’t quit. They just stop showing up.
Maybe not physically. Maybe they’re still on the call, still moving their token, still making perception checks. But something’s changed.
It’s not always the game’s fault. People get tired. Burnout happens. Life happens. And sometimes a player’s drift is quiet enough that you don’t realize what’s missing until they’re already gone.
Even the best games lose players. It’s not always a sign something’s wrong. But when it is, noticing early can make all the difference.
In person, these signals are easier to catch. A glance, a gesture, the camaraderie of shared snacks or post-game banter. All of it keeps people tethered. Online, those little threads are easier to miss. The distance is real.
That’s part of why I built Questline VTT. Not just to run games, but to help bridge that disconnect. To bring a little of the table back to the screen.
But that’s a topic for another day.
🧭 What to try
Check in, gently
It doesn’t need to be a confrontation. Just a message saying, “Hey, you doing okay?” goes a long way.Make space for honesty
Sometimes players don’t know why they’re detaching until someone makes it safe to say so.Pivot if you can
A small retcon or a shift in narrative focus can help bring someone back in. Maybe their character didn’t miss the mission. Maybe they were handling something offscreen. The timeline is yours to shape. Use it kindly.Be okay with goodbye
Drift isn’t always preventable. Holding space for someone to step away with kindness can mean they return someday, or just leave with peace.
👈 Read the previous post: The Digital Debrief: Why Ending a Session With Talk Time Matters
📌 Up next: Asynchronous Danger – What Happens When the Thread Breaks